Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
