the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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