I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
