Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
