Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
