hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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