R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
