just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
