No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
