he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
