The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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