Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
