im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
