i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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