just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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