the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
