She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
