if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
