so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
