Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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