I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
