Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
