ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
