If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
