just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
