I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
