Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
