I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize