The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
