Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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