When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
