was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize