I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
