I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm just crazy horny about you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
