They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize