I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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