My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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