I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
