Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We need a shit load of segways right now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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