We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize