Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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