I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
