You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
