her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
