She is in my trunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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