in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
