Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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