sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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