I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize