I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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