sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
