Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
