my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize