i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
