it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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