About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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