I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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