We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
