I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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