Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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