i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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