Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
