So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
