I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
