Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
