is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
