she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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