The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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