If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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