Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm jealous of your bromance
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
