dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
