I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
