I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
