I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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