I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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