Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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