Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
