you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
third nipple confirmed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
