Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
