it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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