what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
