Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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