I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm both gender and math confused
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
