I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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