do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
