what day is it and did you see me today?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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